Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
