There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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