once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Alive.
So much puke
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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