Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
