How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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