She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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