Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
