Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
