You're earring is so big in my mouth
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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