Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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