I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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