he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
