Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize