actually, I'm a sock model
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
