I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize