i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize