how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
