I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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