brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize