I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
