I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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