they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
