We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
