pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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