I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
