I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Floor bacon is actually really good
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize