The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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