I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
