just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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