i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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