Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
