I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
