I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
