I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
