I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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