looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my poor anus
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Randomize
