So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
