I hate all girls vehemently.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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