did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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