I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
