Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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