What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just want nice things and good sex
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
