just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
