You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
