you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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