my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize