you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You've changed since you got that strap on
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
