is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
