It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
