Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize