you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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