I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
