I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
