im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
