I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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