Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
