he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
