a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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