well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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