yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
