Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Come share oat with me in your robe
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
