She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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