I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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