sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
