This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
