he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
