I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
