Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
