My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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