No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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