fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
