do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
