the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
