Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
